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Don’t jump straight to divorce, when mediation should be your next step

Published: 06/11/2025
Written by Curwens Solicitors

When a couple separates, there can be numerous issues which need to be resolved, as well as other issues which may need to be addressed on an ongoing basis.

At the start of the separation, it is not unusual for at least one of the separating persons to never want to see or hear from the other again, but there are often issues which need to be resolved, such as what will happen to a jointly owned property.


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Before jumping into the divorce process, mediation can be a way to enable a separating couple to communicate with each other in a calm, focused, safe and constructive way.

Mediation is not a substitute for legal advice, as it is important for a client to understand their rights and obligations, as well as the range of possible outcomes, before negotiating.

Once clients have had legal advice, then they can use mediation as a way to negotiate.

The mediator’s role is to diffuse conflict an encourage and support constructive communication, and ideally to assist the parties in finding better ways to communicate in the future, if further communication is needed.

The first stage is that the mediator meets each party separately for a Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting (MIAM) to assess the suitability of mediation and carry out a risk assessment. If the parties and the mediator feel that mediation is safe and suitable, then a joint meeting can take place. There are a variety of ways a joint meeting can be organised, including: with both clients in the same room, online with both clients on the same screen, online with the clients on separate screens. There is also the option of legal advisers attending mediation with their clients, mediation with financial neutrals included in meetings, and for mediators (specially trained and checked) to meet with children.

By managing the process, the mediator provides a consistent structure for both clients which reduces the conflict which can take place otherwise where each party wants to deal with different issues at different times at different speeds with different deadlines. It is very much the parties’ process and the parties can have a lot of input into how the process is tailored to their needs, but the parties are treated equally and the mediator tries to create a level playing field.

At the first joint meeting, the mediator, with the clients, establishes what the issues are which the parties would like to explore in mediation, if there any urgent issues, and works out an agenda. Only issues which both clients want to discuss can be discussed in mediation. Mediation is very much focused on the future and drawing a line in the sand and starting afresh. There is no point trying what was done in the past again and expecting a different result.

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Once the issues have been established, there is then a stage of information gathering, particularly where the clients are looking at how to resolve the finances of their relationship.  Again this is done in a cooperative way, with the mediator managing and giving a structure of what information and documentation is needed, who will collect it, and a timescale, with the mediator then organising the exchange of the information.  This gives the clients a common and agreed structure and enables the clients to tailor the process to their needs.

Once there has been exchange of information, the mediator encourages the clients to each take independent legal advice on:

  • Is there sufficient disclosure
  • What further information is needed (including any expert evidence)
  • Options for settlement: best case, worst case, and likely outcome
  • Risks on both sides if matters have to go to court
  • Costs if matters have to go to court
  • Timescale if matters have to go to court

This enables the clients to come to mediation fully prepared to negotiate.

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Mediation then provides a safe, confidential space for clients to communicate their without prejudice offers, with the support of the mediator, and for them to each reflect on each other’s offers.  The mediator helps the parties to road test each other’s proposals in a calm and structured way, providing space to listen and be heard.  The mediator also ensures that the issues are covered fully.

Zen Thompson is part of the Family Law team at Curwens and is based in our Royston office.

Zen a family law Solicitor and qualified in 1996, and is Accredited in family law with the Law Society and is an Accredited family law Specialist with Resolution.

Zen is also a family mediator and became Accredited with the Law Society and the Family Mediation Council in 2011.

Zen is specially Qualified to be able to meet with children as part of the mediation process.

Zen is an assessor for the Law Society for mediators seeking Accreditation and an assessor for Resolution for lawyers seeking Accreditation as family law Specialists.  

Please note that our briefings are for informational purposes only, and do not constitute legal advice.

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Any data that you submit using this web form will be held by our firm as Data Controller and will be held securely for 12 months before being securely and confidentially destroyed.
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Your data will not be disclosed to any third parties without your consent or as otherwise allowed by the relevant Data Protection legislation and will only be used for responding to your query (or purposes associated with that purpose).

You have the right to be informed about what data we hold about you along with other rights set out in the legislation. Further information about your rights under the data protection legislation can be found at www.ico.org.uk

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